Stark Raving Sober


New beginnings ??
June 8, 2016, 9:42 pm
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Back to the old WordPress blog, revamped a bit. Tired of the same old same old and thought I would start a new endeavor. Here’s the deal…on Sunday (the 12th) I will celebrate 26 years of sobriety. Sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, without which I would never have lived to see this day, no doubt. I was 37 when I got here, which makes me 63 now, and believe you me, there’s been a LOT of water under that bridge.  Got here compliments of the California state judicial system, not because quitting the only thing that helped me survive my life thus far had even entered my mind.  I couldn’t imagine life any way but the way I lived it. It was all I knew. My only reference point.  The people in my family drink until they die (or they don’t drink at all and really could use a good shot of something) and that’s just what I expected too. Until one beautiful northern California evening when I got pulled over and taken to jail for drunk driving.  I foolishly tried to convince the nice man that I had driven way drunker than this…that I could make it home okay, if he’d just let me be on my way.  He wasn’t buying it.

And so began my ubiquitous journey into the land of sober people. (Or as I always liked to call them–pussies who couldn’t hold their liquor).  It’s been filled with fear and love and adventures. And moments of just being, well…stark raving sober. Crazy as a freaking loon.  And nothing to blame it on. (At least when I was drinking or doing drugs I could always blame my aberrant behavior on those things. )  Now there’s nowhere to point the fickle finger of fate at but myself.  And no matter where I go, there I am.  I have moved in sobriety as much as I moved around drunk. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

So, tonight I have decided to start writing a blog that might be fun. Talking about the seamier side of my life instead of just my idyllic present day routines here on Honeysuckle Hill.  Talking about the garbage cans of life. Laughing through my tears at the tragic mishmash that I have lived.

I was driving my husband’s nasty old truck today and bitching the whole time. I had to go get my old lady parts checked…at the opthamologist. I had a cataract diagnosis a couple of years ago (I thought that was only for old people) and the past couple of months my vision has headed south.  Little annoying things… dry eyes, watery eyes (same problem turns out), blurry vision. More scared than I wanted to admit that it was the cataract, oozing it’s way across my sight like the La Brea tar pits.  And the truck is a filthy mess…more like a teenagers nasty bedroom than a grown man’s property. I feel like I need a shower after just riding in it and so I try to stay out of it as much as possible.and it needs tires and now the blinkers and brake lights have stopped working, and I am having to drive it because my trusty Honda went to the big graveyard in the sky. I supposedly have another car that is being fine tuned before I get it, I am chomping at the bit and in a way bigger rush than either the owner, or his mechanic. ANYWAY… as I’m driving along, bitching and cussing (to no one)…it occurs to me that I am coming up on 26 years sober and I know better than this. Where’s the gratitude (AA is big on gratitude) ?? Where’s the acceptance  (ditto) ?? And I start thinking that in honor of having completed a full 25 years of sober life, I should make some changes. Like…stop cussing so much.  Stop being a whiny bitch. Stop fucking being so impatient.  Can you see my dilemma here ?  I am pretty sure I offend certain people a lot. I don’t really care, mostly.  And I try to sideswipe them with my rapacious wit a lot so they won’t notice how much I fucking swear, but it doesn’t always work.  I cuss like a sailor.

Maybe I could just give up chocolate ?

(Oh. And in case you were wondering where my anonymity went ??  I can tell anybody I want that I am an alcoholic. I just can’t tell them you are.)  So, get off me.

 



End of the line…
January 20, 2010, 11:18 pm
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Well, kids…  Today is the day.  I am posting one last time on this site, and moving on to the Elegant blessings blog for now.

I am writing the same stuff on both places it feels like and so, as much as I like WordPress…blogspot seems to get more play.

Here’s the link…please come follow me at Elegant Blessings

hmmm…can’t seem to make it work.

It’s  http://elegantblessings.blogspot.com/

It’s still me. It’s still fun.

C’mon over……



Tuesday January 19, 2010
January 19, 2010, 11:08 pm
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A crazy morning all ’round. My Irishman was late for work, due to shutting off the alarm and failing to get up. He was up twice last night because there were cats fighting outside the bedroom window. Once at 1:30 and again at 3. He doesn’t do well without enough sleep, poor baby. I didn’t go to bed until 4 myself…insomnia again.  But I jumped up and packed his lunch and made him an egg sandwich to eat on the road, as he got dressed and called work to say he’d overslept. Then I promptly went back to bed and slept until 9 AM. lol    When I got up I had to go to the courthouse and show them the proof of insurance that he couldn’t find when he got pulled over for speeding on the night of my birthday. I hadn’t had any coffee, nearly enough sleep, not any breakfast. You can imagine the delayed surprise when I tried to get through the metal detector at the courthouse and the policeman there laid his hand on his gun and said…”Miss.  You cannot bring a knife into thecourthouse.”  I turned around and looked behind me, but no…it was ME he was talking to.  I had forgotten that I have a 2 inch Swiss Army Knife on my car keychain.He told me to pick it up slowly and take it back out to my car.  I almost started giggling.  Did he think I was going to use the little tweezers on it to poke his eyes out?  Or perhaps the nail file, to file my way through the bars when they arrested me for bringing in my proof of insurance??

I had made a point to take off my knee brace so it wouldn’t set off the metal detectors. I was limping badly and hurting like crazy from walking all the way from the parking lot to the courthouse already. So…I picked it up, walked out the door, took the little knife off and tossed it into the grass and came back in. He eyed me suspiciously, and asked if I had put it where no one would find it. I said Yes sir, I did…I cannot walk all the way back to my car and back here again. So, he let me through and I went on to fight the next dragon…who happened to be working the desk at the State’s Attorney’s Office.  sigh…I know that civil servants have a rough row to hoe a lot of the time. I know that people are trying to scam them and get away with shit all the time…but–please.  I’m a gimpy little old lady for godssakes. Please. Just take my little paper and dismiss this  already!

BY the time I got home I had a headache that wouldn’t quit. I spent the rest of the day holed up in the dark.

So ends another day in the life of a gangster moll….lol

BTW–Timmy…HFCS  is high fructose corn syrup.  It’s in everything and it’s made from genetically modified corn. It’s bad news, muchacho!

Alrighty then…I’m off to see the wizard. Have to be up early and at the place for the hospital pre-op tests…by 11.

Another day under my belt…

Namaste.



Monday January 18, 2010
January 18, 2010, 1:07 pm
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This seemed like a good thing to pass on. I think I’ll post it on both blogs, just so it gets some play…Michael Pollan is my new guru…and he has some very common sense stuff to say.  Like: “If your great grandmother doesn’t recognize this food…don’t eat it.”
Here are six rules from Michael Pollan’s upcoming book, Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual“:

#11 Avoid foods you see advertised on television.

Food marketers are ingenious at turning criticisms of their products — and rules like these — into new ways to sell slightly different versions of the same processed foods: They simply reformulate (to be low-fat, have no HFCS or transfats, or to contain fewer ingredients) and then boast about their implied healthfulness, whether the boast is meaningful or not. The best way to escape these marketing ploys is to tune out the marketing itself, by refusing to buy heavily promoted foods. Only the biggest food manufacturers can afford to advertise their products on television: More than two thirds of food advertising is spent promoting processed foods (and alcohol), so if you avoid products with big ad budgets, you’ll automatically be avoiding edible foodlike substances. As for the 5 percent of food ads that promote whole foods (the prune or walnut growers or the beef ranchers), common sense will, one hopes, keep you from tarring them with the same brush — these are the exceptions that prove the rule.

#19 If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don’t.

#36 Don’t eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk.
This should go without saying. Such cereals are highly processed and full of refined carbohydrates as well as chemical additives.

#39 Eat all the junk food you want — as long as you cook it yourself.
There is nothing wrong with eating sweets, fried foods, pastries, even drinking soda every now and then, but food manufacturers have made eating these formerly expensive and hard-to-make treats so cheap and easy that we’re eating them every day. The french fry did not become America’s most popular vegetable until industry took over the jobs of washing, peeling, cutting, and frying the potatoes — and cleaning up the mess. If you made all the french fries you ate, you would eat them much less often, if only because they’re so much work. The same holds true for fried chicken, chips, cakes, pies, and ice cream. Enjoy these treats as often as you’re willing to prepare them — chances are good it won’t be every day.

#47 Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored.
For many of us, eating has surprisingly little to do with hunger. We eat out of boredom, for entertainment, to comfort or reward ourselves. Try to be aware of why you’re eating, and ask yourself if you’re really hungry-before you eat and then again along the way. (One old wive’s test: If you’re not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you’re not hungry.) Food is a costly antidepressant.

#58 Do all your eating at a table.
No, a desk is not a table. If we eat while we’re working, or while watching TV or driving, we eat mindlessly-and as a result eat a lot more than we would if we were eating at a table, paying attention to what we’re doing. This phenomenon can be tested (and put to good use): Place a child in front of a television set and place a bowl of fresh vegetables in front of him or her. The child will eat everything in the bowl, often even vegetables that he or she doesn’t ordinarily touch, without noticing what’s going on. Which suggests an exception to the rule: When eating somewhere other than at a table, stick to fruits and vegetables.

Reprinted by arrangement with Penguin Group (USA) Inc., from Food Rules Copyright © Michael Pollan, 2009

Namaste.



Sunday January 17, 2010
January 17, 2010, 11:17 pm
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Ahhh.. a lovely Sunday winding to a close.  I am enthroned in my computer chair with a heating pack on my knee, and I have to tell you, it’s so soothing I keep trying to fall asleep!  It’s one of those wonderful rice filled ones that goes in the microwave…it’s heavy and hot and yummy….and just feels so good.


Today we had the District 18 GSR meeting.  It was lively as usual.   I stay busy with AA service structure doins’, and I’ve no doubt it makes my world a better place for me to live.  We got home about 3:30…and I got dinner going. And as we ate, we watched Into the Wild, the movie Sean Penn made about Chris  McCandless, who lived and died in the wilds of Alaska. It was a moving and tear jerking story…hard at times for this parent to watch.


So, I’m ending this day with a wish for all the world of peace and comfort…especially the victims of the Haiti earthquake.



Namaste.



Saturday January 16, 2010
January 16, 2010, 1:48 pm
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It’s a grey and warmish day out there. I did a little housekeeping and then plopped my self on the couch to read.  Was supposed to have a visitor, but she’s a no call-no show.  Have had several phone calls…


Tonight’s a dinner out with friends, unless it cancels at the last minute. The couple in question have a passel of kids, so anything could happen.  lol


Husbandman is in the living room, doing Tai Chi along with a new DVD we got. The sounds are particularly soothing…even the woman’s voice is serene, in her narration.  I’m going to start it on Monday.


We had a nice bowl of tomato soup along with a peanut butter on whole wheat sandwich for lunch. Just chilly enough today to make that warm soup feel really good in your belly.


Got another beautiful heirloom seed company catalog yesterday from my old high school friend. It is the most gorgeous one I have ever seen (and that includes Shumway’s), is almost a coffee table book quality, and is peppered with all kinds of quotations and stories about peace and real food and sustainability. It’s called Baker Creek Seed Company. I am absolutley in awe.  I am excited about spring gardening all over again!!!


I have to cut hubby’s hair this afternoon and do a few other things before getting in the shower and getting ready to go out. I can’t wait to dig in to some fantastic Chinese food tonight!


Namaste.



Friday Flash 55 (1/15/10)
January 15, 2010, 10:30 pm
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Ritual is essential, she said.

No. Leave me alone. He tried to crawl off into the adjoining room, But it was no use. She had him. There was no escape.

The smell in the air of burning sweet grass and herbs was making him dizzy. Candlelight glinted off the steel blade. She moved towards him…