Akannie’s Weblog

It’s starting out chilly but heading for spring like temperatures today. I have opened the drapes to let some of this precious sunshine in and am getting  ready to call a furnace repair guy, as tomorrow’s high will be 31.  It’s enough to make a girl’s head spin.

  I’ve been reading blogs all morning, and emails,  and chatting on the phone. I did a minute’s worth of straightening up the living room.  I have laundry to finish, but am embarking on this day in a casual low-key kind of way. 

  I started with some prayers and meditation and then some good Sumatran coffee.   The blessings of this life are apparent to me now.   For so many years, I took everything for granted, or worse,  ignored it.  I worked , worked, worked…making more of a dying than a living.  The more I had, the more I wanted. The more I got, the less satisfied I became.  How does that happen?  I’m sure part of it was my addiction, but some of it must be more than that.  When did I cross that line where I felt as though I were entitled to all this STUFF?  When did I lose that joy and wonder?  Why did I quit seeing all the beauty around me…and closing my eyes to all the wonder. 

  I suspect that I was caught in a whirl;ing , faster-faster-faster…and I belileved that I couldn’t  afford to take my eye off the path for one minute…or everything would fall apart. Come crashing down around my head.  When you don’t believe that you’re NOT the center of the Universe, you have a lot of responsibility to keep all the plates in the air.  It’s exhausting. Not to mention ridiculous.  But I lived like that for a lot of years. I am reaching my mid fifties now and I am sober and clean, and my perspectives are so different. Part of it is old age.  Part of it is having had the rug pulled out from under me in a horrific industrial accident(?) that turned my body and mind upside down.  A Ubiquitous Event that changed me forever…as much or more as recovery had already started changing me.  I was 11 years sober when it happened.  Wowza.

    Today I look back, not just at the past 8 years, but the years before that as well, and I can trace the learning curve. I can see that if THIS hadn’t happened, THAT wouldn’t have happened, and then THAT couldn’t have happened.  It’s a curious thing to look at your life like some trail map of uncharted hills and valley floors and creeks and seas.  This has helped me to detach from a lot  of the outcome predictions of things going on, both in my life and around me.  Helping me to live in today.  Helping me to trust in the Order of the Universe and to know that Chaos is just a theory held by people who have maybe never nurtured a garden or started seedlings in the dead of winter in an indoor flat.  Chaos is a fun word to write, but for me, that’s really all there is to it.  Good Orderly Direction….now that’s another thing entirely.

   The garden catalogs have started arriving.  BL:ess Shumway and Stark Bros., and the Heritage Seed Company!

It’s a chilly morn, with a bit of crunchy frost on the grass and temps destined for the mid 50’s today.  I have taken the dear one to work, hauled the garbage to the road, gathered up all the water jugs to head out to the springs, fed the chickens and emptied my compost bucket into the bin out back.   I thought I would stop in and post, and actually make my early morning deadline. Although it’s almost 8 AM… lol

  I have an appointment to meet up with a newcomer later this morning. At 10:30, and then we’ll head off to the noon meeting. She has finished the first assignment I gave her and we’ll go over it and then start working her 1st step.  It will be exciting, as it always is.

  I have to try to get some appointments for this week….most imperative is a visit to the chiro to have my wretched broken body realigned.  My neck and shoulders and back have been killing me.  Then a guy needs to come look at the furnace.  Hopefully the water pump on the well will have dried out enough to start working today.  I need to finish up the laundry. I may have to take out the wet ones and go to the laundromat and re-wash them before they mildew. The pump drowned just as the rinse cycle was starting. sigh…

  I have had a little coffee and a little brekkie, and I’m heading out to the springs. It’s chilly, but I have farmers gloves, lol, and hopefully I won’t get too wet.

   All these annoyances give me reason to observe myself, and see how I handle all the goofy little things in my life.  I always think it’s a marker…watching my patience (or lack thereof), checking  my troubleshooting skills, and practicing my problem solving routines. When you live out in the country, these things become a way of life, a matter of survival.   When you don’t have things like city water (which so many people just take for granted!) and you live in an older home with bad plumbing and/or wiring, and you have animals to care for,  and you are a frugal person like I am (choke) you have to learn how to cope, and how to manage things by yourself and how to not just run screaming from the property when ONE MORE THING BREAKS DOWN or goes wrong.  I’m sure this is all building a LOT of character.   *grin

  Alright. I’m off to Catholic Springs.  (Don’t know why they call it that, as the whole area back there is crawling with Lutherans).

  HAve a cheery day, all.   I intend to.

A little earlier than yesterday, but still not early.  *grin

 I am back from a morning meeting and an errand and lunch. The electrical workings on the pump still haven’t dried out enough to work…sigh….so still no running water.  Maybe by tonight. The water level in the well has dropped, so there is hope. We had lots of high winds last night, but it got pretty cold too, about 28. Today is near 50 F  again.

 I just got off the phone with an old cyber friend. I guess I have “known”  her about 9 years or so now. It was a pleasure chatting with her.  I have had some wonderful heart-to-hearts with her, esp. over this past year.  I love it when you meet someone that you feel like you’ve known forever!  There are a couple of people around the blogworld that feel like that to me as well.  It’s like a melding of kindred souls..  I like that.  That moment in time when all things fall away….gender or nationality or religion or politics…and all that is left is affection and understanding and instant recognition.   I found that feeling in the rooms of AA, especially when I first got there. Not so much now as then, but it still happens.  When love crosses the space/time continuum.  Or something.

  My sponsor’s homegroup is having a memorial service at their meeting today, and I only accidently found out about it a few hours ago. I am a little hurt that noone bothered to tell me. (I guess it’s NOT all about me) But, I don’t attend that group often anyway.  M’s family will be holding their memorial service in a few weeks, after all the cremation and stuff.  I got a little weepy talking about her in the meeting this morning.  But whatever the emotions I’m experiencing, the fact is that she is better off and she had a good life.  It seems more appropriate to me to celebrate her life than to mourn her death.  

  2 people brought me Buddhist materials to read at the meeting today. One is called 12 Steps on Buddha’s Path  (Bill, Buddha and We).  LOL  I have been reading a book called Living Buddha , Living Christ by Thich Naht Hanh and have had it with me at the Sunday morning meeting for a couple of weeks.  Small discussions ensued with a couple of  folks and this week I get 5 books! All, the law of attraction in action!

   It’s a sunny day and crisp but warm-ish. I have eggs to collect and kittens to coax out from under the house. Tiny chores for a peaceful day of relative rest.

  Namaste.

     Well, lol, it’s not exactly early in the day…but 5 pm is still better than 12 AM, right? 

    I had every intention of posting earlier, but woke up to rain, and thought I needed to get some laundry done first. They were predicting flas flooding around these parts, because we had  quite a bit of  snow already, and the rain was predicted, AND it is 60 degrees again today.  Sheesh…  I got one load washed and dried, and one load washed but not rinsed when the well flooded and the pump is underwater and VOILA!  in the blink of an eye—no water.  Then a number of mundane houisekeeping chores occupied me and then a few phone calls from sponsees, and before you know it, it’s time to make supper.  sigh…  And really, this is how my life goes most of the time. 

  Lucky for me,   I’m F-L-E-X-I-B-L-E.   (giggle)

  I have started reading a book called  “The  Four Season Harvest”  by a man named Eliott Coleman. He lives in Maine, on part of the land where the famous back-to-landers  Scott and Helen Nearing lived.  It’s a well written tome, regarding the way he and his wife are able to eat fresh vegetables year  round.  I’m just into Chapter 3 where he starts talking about composting.  I actually bought the thing for hubby for Xmas, but he is a very slow and meticulous reader, while I am a book eating turbo robot.  I will finish it within the week.  Anytime we get new books, I always read them first. Otherwise it might be 6 months before I see it again…  I would love to be able to go out the garden in January and eat fresh salad stuffs.  We will probably utilize the hoop greenhouses right over the garden rows, as well as cold frames and our existing greenhouse.   I saw another book I’d love to have called  “Food, Not Lawns” which intrigues me as well.   I feel very strongly about my gardening.  I already produce at least 45%  of the food we eat, and I would love to do even more. I don’t necessarily want to be a vegetarian, but could certainly reduce the amount of meat we eat. We have already done that to some extent, but really could do more.

   I’d also really like to expand my vegetable repertoire, and eat more things I haven’t eaten before.   Things like  salsify, and mache,  scorzonara,  and winter radishes.  Wondrous and exotic names of things I’ve yet to taste.

    Another way of living mindfully on the planet…taking part in the processes of life, from the composting to the planting to the nurturing to the harvest. Good wholesome food that satisfies and nourishes.   I have just put on some brown rice to cook. Sauteed until lightly toasted in a little olive oil with onions and garlic before adding the water and my own organic dried basil.   I’ll top it off with a stir fry of more garlic and onions, mushrooms, broccoli, celery, carrot and butternut squash cubes.  A little gomasio to taste and a nice healthy dinner in an hour.

   The rain is still falling and night has descended.  I long for the extended hours of daylight….

It’s getting late and I think I will try to get back into the habit of posting here early in the day.  By this time of night I am too tired to even think. 

  I have been thinking alot about what is enough, and how do you live consistently mindfully and when is the time in this life that things start falling into some kind of order?  IN the morning I will post early and maybe these ideas can be expanded and pondered and I will sound a little more rational thatn I do right now. Part of the problem is that I ate some really good German Chocolate birthday cake at the meeting tonight. I am becoming incredibly sensitive to sugar, and when I eat things like this, whether it’s early in the morning or late at night, I am having physical reactions. I am not diabetic (yet) but I think I am a little insulin resistant.

  Goodnight all….more tpmorrow.

Blessings.

The end of a long day…and I just got a call saying that my  sponsor died yesterday.  I thought it wouldn’t be long…

  My furnace just quit working …sigh…when it rains it pours.

 Had a great CHristmas altogether. The kids were here for about 4 hours and we had a wonderful talk and some really nice together time.   Then my sister and her husband came later for dinner and that was nice too.  Hubby is in bed and I will be joining him in short order…

 M– has had a lot of health problems in the past year or two, and she had reached the point of thinking she would be better off dead and said it to me several times. She seemed to be doing better lately, but still had problems.  I am sorry for her children that it had to be on Xmas Eve, as that will color their holidays from now on.   I am very sad for the loss of this woman, who had celebrated 22 years of sobriety and was a fine example of the program in action. I’m sure it will really hit me tomorrow when I’m not so used up from all the activities…she had a heart attack and went quickly.  That is a blessing.

  My prayer is that everyone who is travelling have a safe trip back home after the holidays. And that everyone hold their loved ones close and be most grateful for everything they have.

  Signing off on Christmas night….

I have spent most of this day baking…cookies and brownies and pie. It ate up the large part of the day, leaving me scant room for housecleaning. lol No rush, right? They won’t be here until 11 AM !!!!! There’s really just a little straightening to do and the vacumming wouldn’t be done until the morning anyway…not with this house full of dogs and cats. It would be an exercise in futility…

   I have baked gooey butter cookies, Russian Tea Cakes,  Cinnamon Stars and double chocolate brownies.  I have 2 big platters of cookies made for gifts and the rest will go  on  a platter for noshing tomorrow.   I have made 2 kinds of snack mix…one a regular chex mix and the other a sweet, caramel version.  I dipped stick pretzels in dark semi-sweet chocolate. I made spiced nuts…pecans, almonds and walnuts in a cinnamon, clove and ginger sugared mix.  I will have a pot of hot spiced apple cider in the stove as well as Mexican hot chocolate.  Whipped cream AND marshmallows, of course.  I have thin sliced rare roast beef, hard salami and ham to be accompanied by provolone, Swiss and a colby cheese.  I have a huge antipasto  platter with pickled garlic cloves and olives (black and green) and pickles (sweet and dill) and marinated baby onions and pickled beets and pickled okra.  I have crackers and breads. I have plates and napkins and if I have overlooked anything… well, I just can’t imagine.  LMAO….

  I’m sure I’ll be all tuckered out by the time the day is done.  As it should be.

  We went to a winter solstice celebration over the weekend. It was held at a Catholic monastery near here which ministers to oblates from around the world.  Apparently it is conducted by a renegade priest, the same man who founded the community gardens here.  I was very impressed with him on a personal level.  It was delightful and I got to meet some very interesting people. A great part of the  program was a 3 minute video of a boy named Robbie who was trying to explain how the earth came into being. He had a felt board with a handfull os stars and planets and in the center was a heart, with wavy lines all around it. He stammered enough to be cute and seemed very excited and overwhelmed. He said that in the beginning there was nothing but major blackness. And it was a great mystery. Then God’s heart was so full of love it just KABOOM!! exploded. He was waving his arms around and getting all flushed and said, Just like that,  yeah.  Just like that. And the l;ittle pieces of God’s heart became stars and super novas and planets and grass and cows and flowers.  The end.

  The priest was talking about lots of scientific stuff like super novas and calcium particles and how we all exist becasue of the major events that have happened and so we all are part of everyone and everything.  And all this is God in you and God in me and me in God and you in God.  It was a beautiful melding of science and theology and we talked alot about earth stewardship and at the end we walked through a beautiful archway made of of evergreen boughs, stopped and shared of our plans to live a more green life and be more mindful in the coming year.  Then we stepped forward, took a pinch of sage and put it in the burning bowl to honor the 4 Directions.

 It was all quite lovely.

 We always celebrate the solstices in our little family here on the Prairie (or wherever we happen to be).   Depending on the season, it involves smudging and dancing and prayers and gratitude.

Tomorrow is coming…I heard the Norad spotted Santa over London a few hours ago….

Ohmygosh !!   I don’t know if I remember how to do this…  I have been offline since early November.   My computer crashed right in the middle of my life and I have not used one in almost 2 months. (See??  I KNEW I could quit if I wanted to.  LOL)

 The worst part is having to remember passwords and all that jazz to get back into my regular sites.  And I had to run the DSL set up on this one and luckily I found the discs…it took a bit of swearing and persistence, but I finally seem to have it all up and going.

  I have missed you all terribly. But on the bright side, I have read probably 25 books and had lots of quallity time with my husband.  We’re having some pretty yucky weather over this way. Thankfully, I don’t have to go out again for a while if I don’t want to.  The kids and grandkids are coming for Xmas brunch. I’ve been baking and wrapping and doing all the fun granny stuff and am about as ready as I’m ever going to be.  It’ll be a little lighter  holiday on the gift buying side, but that’s not necessarily a bad  thing. I have 2 grandsons who have very electronic toy known to man. They are almost impossible to buy for. We have discovered the youngest one’s secret…he LOVES books.  WHO KNEW?????????   lol    Grandpa found him a copy of Treasure Island and brought it home all by himself.  He was quite proud of himself., as he never shops for gifts.  But he said it caught his eye, and he thinks the boy will like it.  They will both get a stocking crammed to the brim with granny’s homemade goodies, and some small gifts and some cash. Mom and Pop are getting one stocking that they will have to dig through and figure out what goes to who.  I made (for the first time ever) chocolate covered espresso beans for my son.  I buy them for him every year as they’re one of his favorite things.  We also got the 2 of them a gift certificate to Red Lobster.  I’ll put out a grand buffet for brunch and afterwards they’ll make the rounds to the other parents and granparents houses.  Then later that evening, my sister and brother-in-law will come out for supper. I’m making glazed cornish game hens and some assorted and sundry foods.  It will be nice to not have to go out.

 Well, I wanted to check in here and try to get on the other site as well.

  I’m glad to be back…..